How to Talk to Your Kids About Money: Reframe Fear, Build Confidence, and Start Small

Jan 25

—A (Hopefully!) Helpful Resource for Parents—

By Colin Ryan

I’m glad to see you are looking for ways you can go deeper and have more impact when offering financial advice to your kids! They can benefit your mentorship even more than you might think.

But talking about money, and trying to create healthy patterns and habits, is no easy task. I find that, time and again, when you seek simple, clear, and convenient steps, involve them in creating those goals, and make the conversation safe and open, you turn a wall into an open door.

A Quick Reminder for Parents

You don’t need perfect words, perfect knowledge, or perfect timing. You go first, and model being a success and a mess. Small, safe conversations, repeated over time, build confidence far more than comprehensive lectures ever will.

You don’t need to teach everything. Pick one lesson for your child’s age, and practice it this month.

I built these examples from the goals that you all as parents shared with me, using the framework of the three strategies from the talk:

Reframe Blocks (thoughts/emotions that stall action)
Build Momentum (smallest next step)
Team Up (how parents show up safely + supportively)

Ages 5–10

**Lesson: Saving and spending on purpose**

Reframe Blocks
Kids experience money as something that appears when needed, and parents can easily feel guilty about saying no. In which case, the emotional barrier isn’t knowledge, it’s discomfort with limits and fear of being the “bad guy.” The real block is not wanting your child to feel deprived or different.

Build Momentum
Start with something concrete and small: three jars labeled Spend / Save / Give, a tiny allowance, and letting them choose where the money goes so they experience agency instead of control. The lesson isn’t discipline—it’s awareness. (As your kids get older, and if they prefer to go electronic, you can do this using a bank/credit union account with the ability to create labelled subaccounts.)

Another small, practical step is letting them manage a set amount of money for a short time—weekly allowance, gift money, or earnings—and helping them choose one thing to save for and one thing they’re free to spend on. This creates real decision-making without high stakes and builds confidence through practice.

Team Up
Model the behavior out loud in normal life: “I want this, but I’m choosing not to buy it,” so they learn that not spending is a choice, not a punishment. Stay curious, not corrective—your tone teaches more than your rules.

Instead of correcting choices, focus on reflection. After a purchase, ask, “Are you glad you spent your money that way?” or “What would you do differently next time?” Staying curious rather than critical helps kids learn from experience while keeping the conversation safe and ongoing.

Ages 11–15

Lesson: Managing money you earn (not just money you’re given)

Reframe Blocks
At this age, kids often see allowance as something that simply shows up, while parents can feel unsure about whether money should be tied to chores, effort, or responsibility. Kids may also believe earning money is only about working harder, not about noticing problems and creating value. (How can I solve your problem/create value can be a great mindset that comes into play in the rest of life!)

Build Momentum
A small but powerful step is inviting your child to help design their allowance. Instead of setting it for them, ask what they think is fair, what responsibilities it could be connected to, and what they might do to earn more if they want it. This shifts allowance from entitlement to a system they help create and manage.

Team Up
Stay open and collaborative rather than authoritative. Treat it like a trial, not a contract, and check in after a few weeks to see what’s working and what isn’t. When kids feel ownership over the system, and know it can be (reasonably) adapted through conversations with you, they’re more likely to engage thoughtfully instead of pushing back.

Ages 15–20

Lesson: Credit cards = borrowed money

Reframe Blocks
Some teens and young adults are freaked out by credit cards. They need to know: there’s no minimum they need to spend to build credit (one meal purchased and paid off on time each month, or one tank of gas, would do it). Just as importantly, they need to know they can talk to you about any hidden fees or details they might miss. The trick is to build confidence and motivate action without them falling into fear OR overconfidence.

Because many teens and young adults see credit, as well as BNPL apps, as normal and harmless, while parents carry fear, shame, or anxiety from their own mistakes, this can make the conversation feel emotionally charged rather than calm and informative. If you want tell your own “credit card horror story” focus on the emotions of it, make yourself the hero who learned a lesson, and exhibit non-judgement for yourself. I like to say “A mistake is simply the moment when what you didn’t know became what you now know.”

Build Momentum
Make it tangible and low-stakes: start with a debit or prepaid card, or simply show one real credit card statement and interest charge so money becomes real, not abstract. Understanding beats warnings. Help them understand how paying only the minimum increases their cost and the time it takes to pay it off. Aim for above the minimum, or an extra payment, or even better, pay in full. But break the ideal goal down so it’s less overwhelming.

Team Up
Position yourself as a guide, not a gatekeeper: “My role isn’t to control you—it’s to help you understand.” Calm, factual conversations build trust far more than fear-based talks.

Ages 21–30

Given the wide age range here, I have two examples for you to consider…

Lesson 1: Start investing early, and imperfectly

Reframe Blocks
Young adults often feel behind, overwhelmed, or ashamed that they didn’t start sooner, which can lead to paralysis and avoidance rather than action. One of my favorite quotes to create confidence: “If you can afford the product, you can afford the stock.” - Mabel @ GirlsOnTheMoney.com. This helps them start to think like investors, not just consumers.

Build Momentum
Shrink the goal: contribute just enough to get a 401(k) match or start automatic investing with a very small monthly amount, so the system is built first, and perfection can come later.

Team Up
Remove judgment and urgency and replace it with safety: “The best move is the next small one.” Progress happens when people feel supported, not pressured.

Lesson 2: Build a spending plan that gives you clarity and control

Reframe Blocks
Many young adults associate budgeting with restriction, failure, or being told what not to do. If they’ve tried before and fallen off track, they may believe they’re “bad with money,” or that budgeting means giving up flexibility or fun.

Build Momentum
A small, empowering step is simply tracking where money went last month and naming what actually matters to them. From there, build a simple spending plan that protects priorities first, like rent, savings, and a few meaningful categories, without trying to optimize everything at once. (Again, simple.) The goal isn’t perfection; it’s just awareness.

Team Up
Parents can be most helpful by acting as a sounding board, not a judge. Ask what feels stressful, what feels worth it, and where more knowledge or clarity would help them the most. When you stay supportive and unattached to the outcome, budgeting becomes a tool your child uses for themselves, not something they feel expected to do.

Additional Resources for Parents and Kids

Salary Transparent Street (YouTube): Person-on-the-street real conversations about pay, transparency, and work.
A Comedic Guide to Money by Colin Ryan: A humorous, human-centered approach to understanding money. Written for the person who probably wouldn’t read a book on finance… because they will definitely read this one!
The Money Mammals: Age-appropriate music and tools that help young kids learn money basics.

Talking about money won’t make kids anxious—avoiding it often does. Honest, calm conversations build understanding, confidence, and long-term financial well-being.

Bonus Article Link:

An article that addresses one of the top questions parents share with me:

“How do I talk to my kids about money without worrying they will share what I say with others?”

https://www.colinryanspeaks.com/articles/talking-money-with-your-kids-a-guide-to-transparency-with-boundaries

About Colin Ryan

Colin Ryan, CPFC is the author of A Comedic Guide to Money and Epic Tiny Victories, a featured storyteller on NPR and The Moth Radio Hour, and a nationally recognized speaker on financial education, communication, and behavioral change.

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